THE COLLECTOR
The Collector is a grim film. It only had a budget of $3 million but it is still truly incredible that even that amount of money would be spent to create an experience this unpleasant. The Collector was created by the dude who wrote Saw’s IV through VII – truly the worst installments of an already pretty bad franchise. The Collector is like Saw in that it also sucks and looks terrible.
If you like your movies to come in washed out yellows and blues and feature hyper-cut sequences of torture then you will love yourself some The Collector. The premise itself is alright – a criminal breaks into a house only to find that a much worse person (the Collector) has already broken in and he’s set a series of evil Home Alone style traps.
The traps are equal parts nasty and ludicrous. The sorts of things that make you wish people could just kill folks normal-style. Why would you want to trap people with glue? Why would you board up a window with razors? Why would you put bear traps all over the floor? Or hook up barbed wire in doorways and what not? Why can’t you just be a normal psychopathic killer?
The Collector in The Collector breaks into houses and kills most of the occupants but he ‘collects’ one person and puts them in a big trunk. There’s a sequel out there called The Collection, and while I haven’t seen it, I’m sure it goes like this: somebody is wheeled in in one of the trunks, and then has to get out of the Collector’s house and then there’s a bunch of other people in there and the Collector has filled his own house with traps and its gross and sucks to watch.
Watching The Collector means sitting in front of your television with your face stuck in a permanent grimace. Occasionally you’ll say things like ‘urgh’ or ‘righto you creep’ and then look up the name of the dude who directed it and then say ‘oh right, that guy, he wrote the screenplay for the movie that won one of the seasons of Project Greenlight, that show Matt Damon & Ben Affleck made, that’s crazy, well thanks a bunch Matt Damon for this fucking movie’.
Where would I fit into The Collector? I shudder to think. There really should be a scene in these movies where the creepy serial killer trap setter purchases all their materials. It’s crazy that they go to all of this effort, we really should get a glimpse into the planning process.
IF I WERE IN 'THE COLLECTOR' I WOULD: HATE IT
