OLD
The twist? I love M. Night Shyamalan. I’m an M. Night truther. He went on a hot run that lasted from The Sixth Sense, through Unbreakable, onto Signs and right up until about five minutes before the end of The Village. After that he got lost in the wilderness until he loses everything and has to start over with a tiny budget with The Visit and then returning to form with Split. During those wayward years it is hard to defend The Last Airbender, and The Happening is truly batshit, but look, to be completely honest with you, I don’t have much bad stuff to say about Lady in the Water or even After Earth.
Which brings us to Old. He’s back baby. Everything great about M. Night is in this movie. It’s creepy in parts, it’s absolutely so stupid in other parts, but that’s what’s so good about him. Who else is getting nominated for an Oscar for Best Director in 1999 and making a movie about killer trees less than a decade later? Nobody else.
M. Night has absolutely had it far rougher than he’s deserved. Steven Spielberg has spent the last fifteen years making absolute snoozefests and hasn’t lost any shine. M. Night casts himself as a genius writer ONE TIME and he’s a pariah. Unfair. Ridiculous. I for one am so happy that he’s back making movies based on shit like “There’s a beach that ages you really quickly”.
Old is about a beach that makes you age really fast. Like crazy fast. It’s awesome. If you can’t enjoy stuff like this then I don’t even know what to do with you? What do you want? A cop? A movie about a cop? Is that what you want? A movie about a cop who has a case? That’s the sort of thing you want? A cop with a case that he has to solve? Goddamn, that’s what you want isn’t it? A movie about a cop with a case he has to solve and in the end he solves it. Damn. That’s right up your alley. Well, come see me when you want a movie about a beach that makes people old.
In Old, a couple, Guy and Prisca, and their kids Maddox and Trent, go on a holiday to a tropical resort, and are taken to this isolated beach. They go with a bunch of other people and when they get to the beach, they all start to get old. Quickly. The kids age into teenagers and then into young adults, and already old people become even older. I don’t really know what else to tell you – the beach makes people old.
Where would I fit into Old? I mean, as much as I absolutely would not want to spend any of my holiday time on a beach we’ve already been through that with The Shallows. I’m not a beach person, but let’s have the folks at the resort twist my arm a little bit so that I too can enjoy the wonders of being on the beach that makes people old.
IF I WERE IN 'OLD' I WOULD: AGE HORRIBLY BUT AT A NORMAL RATE
