THE WITCH
The Witch is a great film about how in the olden times people were dumb as.
There’s a line in the Wikipedia article about this film that says “According to analysts, the film transcends the traditional horror flick genre and enters a potential new category, nicknamed ‘elevated horror’.”
Okay, sure, I SUPPOSE it’s about slightly more than how in the 17thcentury everybody was a ye olde dumbass and that made life in those times a living hell for absolutely everybody.
The Witch is a fantastic film, but I am more obsessed with the section of the Wiki page titled “Themes”. It all sounds like it was written by somebody who really wants to make it clear that the sort of people who “get” The Witch aren’t like other horror fans. They’re more ‘elevated’. Don’t worry, whoever wrote that part of the page, you can watch The Witch on Netflix and not get recommended Leprechaun 4: In Space. Instead, you’ll get an email directly to your account that says “Holy shit, you’re into art. That’s cool.”
Set in the 1630s in New England the film follows a family who are banished from a Puritan colony over a religious dispute and start their own farm in the middle of nowhere. They have an absolutely shocking time trying to grow corn and one day their baby is kidnapped – who is to blame for all their misfortune? Why, it must be a witch! I mean, it is a witch, but they don’t know there’s really a witch out there so the family ends up turning on each other.
Most of the blame of witchcraft is directed at the eldest daughter, Thomasin, played by Anya Taylor-Joy who was impossible to miss in 2020 after appearing in the smash hit Netflix series The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance – sorry, I mean The Queen’s Gambit.
Where would I fit in The Witch? There’s only one scene I can see myself in – early on when the family are banished from the town, they have to appear in front of a town council. It seems like the entire colony is there watching their banishment. I reckon I know exactly where I’d be. At the back of that room. Talking shit.
IF I WERE IN 'THE WITCH' I WOULD: DO PRETTY WELL FOR MYSELF, ACTUALLY.
