LONG WEEKEND
Long Weekend is an Australian film from 1978 about a couple that go for a beach vacation, camp in the bush, disrespect nature and then get their comeuppance when nature strikes back. It is a 92 minute film about how littering is bad. Although, littering isn’t bad for the reasons you think it’s bad. It’s not bad for the environment, it’s bad for you, because if you litter, or throw a cigarette butt on the ground, or toss an empty stubby into the bush, this film would have you believe that an eagle or a possum or some ants might attack you.
Long Weekend is one of those Australian films where the two leads yell each other's names a lot; loudly and in that 1970s Aussie accent that sounds like an upset galah. “PEEETTEERRRR” Marcia will yell into the woods when she can’t find him. “MAAARRCCIIIIAAAA” Peter will yell back when trying to get her to come see a weird dugong that’s washed up on the shore.
They remade this movie in 2008 with Claudia Karvan and James Caviezel and changed very little about the film, and if you think ‘animals attack couple because they litter’ sounds dumb in 1978 wait til you see it in the 21st century. It’s like somebody tossed a couple on the verge of divorce into the middle of an old Captain Planet episode.
There really isn’t a lot going on in Long Weekend. Marcia and Peter don’t seem to like each other very much. They go camping in a remote spot with their dog Cricket and have absolutely no regard for the environment around them. They run over a kangaroo and don’t give a shit. They throw rubbish about the place. Peter has brought along a harpoon gun and a rifle that he happily fires off willy-nilly in every direction because fuck trees, that’s why.
Slowly the couple lose the plot and can’t seem to drive away from this part of the bush. They’re stuck, running in circles and more and more desperate to get away from this place where any minute now an irate echidna could pop up and scold them for tossing an apple core too close to the road. It all ends when Peter eventually makes it back to the highway only to be run over by a truck… not so nice when humans are roadkill now is it? Lights come back up in the cinema and everybody has a big chat about participating in next year’s Clean Up Australia Day.
How would I fit into Long Weekend? An excellent question that I’m very happy to answer. It’s a long stretch of bush by the coast this couple have found themselves in, and they do spot the occasional other holidaymaker out there. There is certainly room for another.
IF I WERE IN 'LONG WEEKEND' I WOULD: DO THE RIGHT THING
