CUBE

GOD, I LOVE CUBE.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen the movie Cube.

I don’t even think Cube is that good of a movie. There are movies that are way better than Cube that I’ve never watched as often as I’ve watched Cube.

There is something about Cube that keeps bringing me back to Cube and I think it’s ‘promise’.

I get stuck on some movies because I want them to be better than they are. I want them to be more than they are. I want them to deliver on the promises that I feel they make.

The best example I have of this is the movie Waterworld. When I was a kid, I watched Waterworld a lot. I really loved the IDEA of Waterworld. I don’t even think I enjoyed the movie that much, but a world… covered in water? That alone I was into and each time I went back because I wanted the movie to match the idea in my head.

If Cube could stand in front of me, it would say “You don’t love me. You love the idea of me.” And I’d say “Isn’t that enough?” And I’d cry. And Cube would cry. And it would rain. On me. And on Cube. And we’d call it quits; Cube and I.

Each time I go back to Cube, I want it to be more than Cube. But it’s not. It’s Cube. And I guess, in the end, that’s enough. It’s not the best movie. But it’s Cube. And I love Cube. And also, in case it isn’t clear, I love saying the word Cube.

Cube is a Canadian film about a group of strangers who wake to find themselves inside a weird cube room. There are doors on every wall and on the floor and on the ceiling and those doors lead to more cube rooms. The rooms are different colours and some of the rooms are booby trapped. Will they ever get out? How big is this thing? Why are they even trapped there in the first place? And how many times will somebody say the word ‘cube’?

It’s like Saw but without the moralising and instead of a trap where it’s barbed wire wrapped around somebody’s head where to get out they have to find wire-cutters that are INSIDE THEIR OWN STOMACH these folks are just stuck inside a giant cube.

I’d rather not talk about Cube 2: Hypercube because even though Cube isn’t the best at least it is not Cube 2: Hypercube. The best thing about Cube 2: Hypercube is its incredibly underrated daffy subtitle. Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo has had it too good for too long. Where’s the love for throwing Hypercube on the end of joke titles.

Alright, enough mucking about. Let’s get me into the cube.

Obviously, in order to fit myself into this movie I’d need to also wake up inside one of the cube rooms.

Early on we meet a character named Rennes aka The Wren, an escape artist, who has been travelling through a lot rooms before he bumps into the other characters. I think there’s space in the movie for a scene where we meet Rennes even earlier on his travels entering a room and finding Peter Jones.

IF I WERE IN 'CUBE' I WOULD: POOP IN THAT CUBE