WOLF CREEK 2

God, I can’t tell you how much I miss Australia’s Wonderland. It was a theme park that was twenty minutes from where I grew up and I loved it. It’s since been knocked down and as best as I can tell the site now holds a Bunnings Distribution Centre. One of the dud rides at Wonderland was Ampol Antique Autos where you sat in old timey Model T Fords that drove around on a track all brought to you by the petrol station, Ampol.

I bring this up because one time when I was a teenager I went to Wonderland with some friends and we were waiting in line for the Ampol Antique Autos (always a short line because it was the worst ride) and behind us in line was John Jarratt with a couple of his kids. His breakout performance as Mick Taylor in Wolf Creek was still years away, and we only recognized him from Better Homes and Gardens but it was still a thrill. He made a couple of gags with us as we waited in line to sit in a car that drove itself around a track.

He seemed nice. Anyway. In Wolf Creek 2 that same man plays a horrific serial killer who kidnaps, tortures and murders innocent tourists.

I will never understand why there aren’t more Wolf Creeks. There’s eight years between the first and second films. I can’t think of a buzzier movie to come out of Australia in the 00s than Wolf Creek. A gritty, grim horror movie that seemed perfectly designed to fire three quick sequels off the back of.

Although maybe less sequels wasn’t such a bad thing. I think the first Wolf Creek is a great film – it’s terrifying because we deeply give a shit about the characters who come into contact with Mick, who is a great villain because he’s so truly awful. Wolf Creek 2 on the other hand – I have no idea what this movie wants from me, because I think that this movie thinks that Mick is funny. He’s not. He’s an awful racist murderer and I think we’re supposed to think he’s Paul Hogan. He’s a big gross cartoon character. And so is Mick in this movie.

Where would I fit into Wolf Creek 2? Well, if I were in this movie I would almost certainly be having a bad time. I could absolutely bet you any amount of money that if I were to find myself in the unfortunate position of ending up in Wolf Creek 2 that I would almost certainly come face to face with Mick Taylor.

IF I WERE IN 'WOLF CREEK 2' I WOULD: TRY MY BEST TO WRITE A BIT ABOUT THIS CREEPY AUSSIE BLOKE I MET BUT IT NEVER WORKS BECAUSE AUDIENCES NEVER BELIEVE A STEREOTYPE THAT BROAD COULD BE REAL