THE STRANGERS
The Strangers is so scary. On the list of scary things that scary movies can throw at you, to me there’s nothing scarier than somebody in a creepy mask standing inside a house staring at a person who doesn’t know they’re there. Forget ghosts or demons or even chainsaw wielding maniacs, I would rather a dozen of them than face three psychos who knock on your front door at a weird time of the night.
A couple arrive at a secluded summer home. Just after 4am there’s a knock on the door. A woman asks “Is Tamara here?” There’s no Tamara there. The woman leaves. Later she returns with two others. They break in and they try to kill the couple. The reason they give late in the film as to why they did it: “Because you were home.” Get fucked. Get the fuck out of here with that sort of stuff you creeps. No thank you. No thank you whatsoever. Nope. Nope. Nope.
The Strangers stars Liv Tyler along with Scott Speedman who sounds like a name you would make up when you couldn’t remember the name of this exact actor. Scott Speedman looks like so many other actors. There must be so many handsome people in Hollywood who all kind of look like Scott Speedman and can act as well as Scott Speedman who walk around saying stuff like “I was this close to being in Underworld, you know that, right? If I had his agent, I could have been on Grey’s. It’s all Hollywood bullshit. Takeaway?”
Glenn Howerton from Always Sunny also pops up in this as a friend of the couple and he does not have a good time at all. Howerton plays Mike, who shows up at the house to check in on the couple and see if they’re alright. Entering the house Mike is killed. Now, if I were in The Strangers I think I would end up in the Mike role but there’s a key difference between Mike and me. Mike rolls up to the house and sees a car vandalized out the front and he chooses to go inside. Me? Would I go inside? There’s only one way to find out.
IF I WERE IN ‘THE STRANGERS’ I WOULD: FOR YEARS AFTERWARDS TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THE AWFUL THING THAT HAPPENED TO MY FRIENDS AND SAY ‘YOU KNOW, I ALMOST WENT INTO THE HOUSE, I KNOW, I KNOW, IMAGINE IF I HAD, BUT I DIDN’T'
