SPIRAL

Spiral is a spin-off from the Saw franchise. Or rather, as it puts it, it’s “from the book of Saw”. Saw, it is important to remember, is not a book. But I love that sort of horseshit. Spiral stars Chris Rock as a detective yelling his way through a knock-off of Seven and the eight other Saw movies. The most interesting part about Spiral is that it came from an idea Chris Rock had for a Saw movie. That will never stop being funny to me. That should be the movie. Chris Rock pitching a Saw spin-off.

How’s this quote from Lionsgate CEO Joe Drake about Rock’s idea. It was “completely reverential to the legacy of the material while reinvigorating the brand with his wit, creative vision and passion for this classic horror franchise.” I mean, obviously that’s spin, but come on now, it’s the Saw franchise, not a new Godfather film.

My biggest hope is that Chris Rock firing up the engines on the Saw franchise encourages other comedians to do the same thing. Really hope Seinfeld has some ideas about a new installment of Hostel. Or Andy Kindler trying to get the wheels moving on a new The Hills Have Eyes. Honestly though, I would genuinely love to see Ray Romano in a reboot of The Ring, complaining to Debra about not being able to find the VCR.

(This is a complete side note but when I Googled to double check which spelling of ‘Debra’ it was in Everybody Loves Raymond it came up with a ‘People also ask’ section where the first question was “Did Ray and Debra get along?”)

It really doesn’t make much sense why Chris Rock is in this or coming up with this or thinking this is what he should be doing. Chris Rock is suspiciously bad in this movie. He’s a bad actor at the best of times, but there’s some charm to how he’s never learnt how to act over a 30 year career, but in this? He’s so off. 90% of his performance is yelling. Have a watch of the trailer, because Rock’s presence makes it feel like it’s a sketch on SNL that he’s hosting. You’re half expecting Aidy Bryant to pop up as the chief.

Where would I fit into the world of Spiral? Well, I don’t think there’s a character in the movie who isn’t a cop so I’d have to be a cop. Detective Peter Jones would work in the same department as Chris Rock’s Detective Zeke Banks – man, I hadn’t thought about that name properly until writing it out just now. Anyway, I would work with *sigh* Detective Zeke Banks.

IF I WERE IN 'SPIRAL' I WOULD: BE THE ONLY COP TO NOT DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH IN AN ELABORATE TRAP, BUT I WOULD END UP WITH SO MUCH EXTRA PAPERWORK