SHUTTER

There was a brief moment in time when remaking J-horror movies was the thing to do. The Ring in 2002. The Grudge in 2004. Although even when Dark Water arrived in 2005 it seemed like the trend was dead. Probably wasn’t helped by the fact that Dark Water was about evil water. Surely by the time 2008 rolled around audiences were probably having to Google “What is Japan?” Shutter is a remake of a Thai film but it’s set in Japan and has a Japanese director and is like somebody tried to photocopy the big hitters of the genre.

The Ring starred a blonde Australian with Naomi Watts. Shutter stars a blonde Australian, this time it’s Rachael Taylor. The Grudge starred a WB teen star from the 90s with Sarah Michelle Gellar. Shutter stars a WB teen star from the 90s, this time it’s Joshua Jackson.

That’s right, Pacey from Dawson’s Creek stars alongside Australia’s own Rachael Taylor. One of my favourite things about this tiny little country of ours is how we talk about any celebrity that goes overseas the same way a small town talks about kids who move to the city. “You see, Rachael? She went to the big smoke and got herself a job! That’s our Rachael!” And then you catch up with Rachael one time and the job she got was working on Shutter, a bad horror movie nobody remembers. But that doesn’t matter to anybody in the small town. Angela Bishop is still going to talk her up whenever you see her.

The premise of Shutter is ‘What if the blurry bits in photographs were ghosts?’ and Rachael & Josh try to figure out why it seems Josh is surrounded by weird lights in photographs. Nothing scarier than a polaroid, Goosebumps 'Say Cheese And Die' taught us that. In the end it turns out the reason Joshua Jackson has been feeling so much pain in his shoulders and is so hunched over is because the ghost is literally on his back. As you can imagine blurs in photos don’t exactly make the most compelling of villains.

How would I fit into Shutter? I sometimes get pain in my shoulders, maybe there’s a supernatural reason behind it. Maybe I would also seek out the help of Ritsuo, a paranormal investigator who is able to tell Rachael & Josh why it is that some of their photos might have a weird light in them. Maybe a scene like that should be tacked onto the end credits of Shutter. Truly, it couldn’t make the movie any worse.

IF I WERE IN 'SHUTTER' I WOULD: FOREVER BLAME MY NECK PAIN ON THE SPIRIT REALM